Sealer + Grandpa

Yep, that would be a beer in my hand. 

This picture has nothing to do with my post really. But for anyone that knows me, knows that this is an unnatural picture for me, which makes it an even better joke.This was the night before I went to the temple with my mom for Neeley & Shishir's sealing. I almost sent it to my mom with a caption that said, "Can't wait to go to the temple with you in the morning." I thought it was pretty funny. And I know my mom probably would have thought it was funny too. Haha. 

However, back to why I really am writing my thoughts down tonight.

I was able to go to a sealing for the first time. My grandpa was able to seal Neeley and Shishir and it was a great to be about to experience it all over again. This time I wasn't nervous about getting married. I was able to take in everything that he said as he spoke to Neeley and Shishir. 
He talked lots about my grandpa Pauline and what she would have us know. Firstly, how important family is. No matter what kind of family we are or how we develop our relationship and keep is strong, the important part is HAVING the relationship.

My family is perfect they way we are. 

We are best friends and truly enjoy each others company. To me, that is what is important. That is what makes the difference in this life. 

Secondly, he talked about how everyone is finding themselves and that is a frequently asked question, "how do you find yourself?" My grandpa's response to the question was that you find yourself when you are doing things that you aren't supposed to be doing. I couldn't agree more with that comment. Life is about experimenting, living, breathing, & learning. 

Thirdly, as I looked at Shishir staring at Neeley across the alter, I was grateful I was able to take in that moment. As cheesy it sounds, the way they looked into each others eyes just melted my heart. Love will come my way. I see it everyday in my life in so many different aspects. I'm grateful that I have so many people around me that show unconditional love. 

She's Woody, I'm Buzz

"Great photographers don't need depth" -Heather 

I have mentioned Bri before. My best friend. My twin soul. My other half. She's Woody and I'm Buzz. We're just meant. Two peas in a pod.

Friendship has never meant more to me than it has in this last year. Being a friend is more than just having someone's back. It is maybe standing up to your best friend when they are in the wrong and loving them regardless. Unconditional love.

This girl knows all my secrets, my weaknesses, my flaws, my insecurities, my doubts, my beliefs. Hell, she knows me better than I know myself sometimes. Sometimes I feel bad for people that haven't had the opportunity to have a friendship like I have had with Brionna. I feel as if they are missing out. Missing out on one of life's greatest gifts. 

Life is truly better with friends, especially ones like her. 

Undying Optimist

I am a believer. I am a optimist. My glass is half full rather than half empty. I don't know how it is all going to work out, but I know it is going to. Some people might say that is naive or me, however, I disagree. Life is simply (if you want it to be). The life you get is the life you are attracting in with your actions and thoughts. So basically what I am saying is if your life sucks, it is your fault. I say that with no remorse or sympathy. ATTITUDE is the key to life. It's all about your perception of things. If you perceive the situation as horrible, dramatics, and just play sucks ass, then that is what you will attract more into your life. Once you see every "trial" as a blessing and a learning opportunity you will CONQUER THE WORLD. I am not kidding. While I haven't conquered the world yet, I'm on my way ;) I plan on conquering the world in the best way I know how, helping people change that want to. Change is scary. It takes bravery and courage. And sometimes we just need a push. I definitely needed a push. The push I received was simply what changed my whole world around. And I am one lucky person because of the help I received. Blessed.

The Disaster meets Coony

Life sometimes leads us to people we never thought we'd give a chance. Here is this girl, Rachel Coon. The wildest, craziest, most full of life girl you will ever meet. 

She's super rad. 

And I don't use that term lightly. She might get caught up in the gossip here and there, which is what originally lead me to not like this girl very much.

I had just gotten divorced and of course was the topic of conversation. This girl spread my divorce like wildfire, which I can now laugh about. But at the time I was so hurt. After a month or two went by, we magically started talking.


I had known Rachel for a few years. We danced together in high school and I had know what a wildly, free-spirited girl she was. After being in a very dark place, Rachel was exactly what I needed. I believe our friendship was not out of luck or coincidence, but truly something that God had aligned. He knew we both needed each other. I needed her over-flowing free-spirited personality to give me the courage to do the same & she needed my positive, compassionate personality to rub off on her. Not to say that she wasn't positive or the most loving human being, because she is, but everyone in our lives has something to teach us, something to offer us, as we do them. If we are always looking for the best, we'll find the the best. We look for the good in people and thats what we find. With Rachel, I have found nothing but amazing things. She makes me realize I need to strum to my own beat. And I have done just that. Life is about being happy and doing it with good intentions. I hope to continually progress to a confident, drive, successful, and charitable person. 

I'm on my way.

be what you are wanting.

                                 
i went to yoga the other night and truly had an amazing experience. it was outside with the most spectacular sunset. a fresh breeze blowing through my hair. i was on cloud 9. kaycee, the instructor, makes it a very personal and spiritual experience for everyone. throughout the hour and a half class she kept saying motivating things in the microphone to keep us going, connected, and motivated. one thing she said was, "be what you are wanting. give what you are expecting." while that is something obvious, it also hit me very hard. i set the standard so high for men in my life and know i hold myself to an even higher standard, but don't always think i need to be exactly what i am wanting in another person. i want to be those things, so i can attract those things.

simple as that. i want someone that is loving, giving, confident, independent, free-spirited, self-motivated, relaxed. just pure amazing. i'll find it, as i become it. 

no excuses

i visited a friend today. Astra passed away almost 5 months ago. by no means to do i claim to have had a close relationship with her to her in her final years, but i would be lying if i didn't say she was a great example to me and hasn't affected my life in many ways. she is thought about everyday. i was watching footloose the other night, and a memory came to mind from junior high. i remember sitting in astra's room. im sure she was on instant messenger. she turned on "lets hear it for the boy".. at the time she had a major crush on josh edgar, she got up and sung the on the top of her lungs while dancing around. she always did the things that made her happy. no excuses.
i always envied people who did the things they wanted, and felt no need to explain themselves. i aspire to be that every day. to live life with no excuses, no reasons to justify my actions. work in progress, and i am sure i will always be, but i am glad i am doing it with loved ones and enjoying the journey:)

celebration of life.

this last saturday i had a friend pass away. i think death has a way of making you reflect on your own life and maybe what improvements you maybe can make before you meet heavens gates. 
astra lauren walller was the prime example of living life to the fullest. she never let anything hold her back. she was here for 20 years and was able to experience love & heartbreak, success & defeat. i met astra in junior high. she was born with cystic fibrosis and never let it hold her back. while she maybe could have prolonged her life by a couple years with not being so active, she chose to live on. she lived life to the fullest and never tried to let her illness hold her back. she was loved by many and an inspiration to all that had the opportunity to get to know her.
R.I.P. 10/22/11

i am eternally grateful for the plan of salvation. i am grateful that i have a loving Savior who sacrificed so that i might live again. I cannot wait to be greeted by my mommom rose and grandma pauline and many more loved ones that have and will pass on before i do.