be what you are wanting.

                                 
i went to yoga the other night and truly had an amazing experience. it was outside with the most spectacular sunset. a fresh breeze blowing through my hair. i was on cloud 9. kaycee, the instructor, makes it a very personal and spiritual experience for everyone. throughout the hour and a half class she kept saying motivating things in the microphone to keep us going, connected, and motivated. one thing she said was, "be what you are wanting. give what you are expecting." while that is something obvious, it also hit me very hard. i set the standard so high for men in my life and know i hold myself to an even higher standard, but don't always think i need to be exactly what i am wanting in another person. i want to be those things, so i can attract those things.

simple as that. i want someone that is loving, giving, confident, independent, free-spirited, self-motivated, relaxed. just pure amazing. i'll find it, as i become it. 

no excuses

i visited a friend today. Astra passed away almost 5 months ago. by no means to do i claim to have had a close relationship with her to her in her final years, but i would be lying if i didn't say she was a great example to me and hasn't affected my life in many ways. she is thought about everyday. i was watching footloose the other night, and a memory came to mind from junior high. i remember sitting in astra's room. im sure she was on instant messenger. she turned on "lets hear it for the boy".. at the time she had a major crush on josh edgar, she got up and sung the on the top of her lungs while dancing around. she always did the things that made her happy. no excuses.
i always envied people who did the things they wanted, and felt no need to explain themselves. i aspire to be that every day. to live life with no excuses, no reasons to justify my actions. work in progress, and i am sure i will always be, but i am glad i am doing it with loved ones and enjoying the journey:)

celebration of life.

this last saturday i had a friend pass away. i think death has a way of making you reflect on your own life and maybe what improvements you maybe can make before you meet heavens gates. 
astra lauren walller was the prime example of living life to the fullest. she never let anything hold her back. she was here for 20 years and was able to experience love & heartbreak, success & defeat. i met astra in junior high. she was born with cystic fibrosis and never let it hold her back. while she maybe could have prolonged her life by a couple years with not being so active, she chose to live on. she lived life to the fullest and never tried to let her illness hold her back. she was loved by many and an inspiration to all that had the opportunity to get to know her.
R.I.P. 10/22/11

i am eternally grateful for the plan of salvation. i am grateful that i have a loving Savior who sacrificed so that i might live again. I cannot wait to be greeted by my mommom rose and grandma pauline and many more loved ones that have and will pass on before i do.

my best friennn. bronj.
always there to keep me in line. tell me that i'm making a mistake, but no matter what loves me regardless. seen me at my worst and been with my at my best (which i am trying to figure out.. when was i ever at my best? haha) she's the best, not just to me but to everyone around her. love her!! 

my first post.

i don't really know how to do any of this yet. i thought i could start it as a journal for myself. i find myself continually getting to the same place. maybe a journal to remind me of certain things will help:) let's hope!

i'm in new jersey right now staying with family. i want to say i have learned a lot out here, but i think just the separation from certain people/situations has allowed me to remember what is important. here is what i have learned so far.

1. be the bigger person

2. easier to forgive others than yourself. both are equally important.

3. love rather than be loved.

4. think of others rather than yourself and slowly all your problems will disappear. 

5. family is the most important thing in the world.