Look for the Helpers

"'Our world is awful."'
"No. Our world is great. For every one person that plants a bomb, you have hundreds more running a marathon. For everyone person that makes a joke about the dead and dying, you have thousands more donating blood, offering prayers, and volunteering their time. Events like these are the fault of single individuals who make violent, loud statements. We just have to make sure that statements of the good are louder."

While we can sit and talk about all the horrible things that go on around the world, in our country or in our own community, we can also talk about all the good there is to do. 

There is more of a need now to do good than ever before. 

So while everyone is sitting there saying what a horrible world they live, I want to say... "What world do you live in? Because mine is awesome. "

I have more opportunities than ever before to make a difference 

and to help lighten someone's burden in some many ways. 

It is incredibly sad that so many people lost their loved ones in today's tragedy at 

the Boston Marathon. 

My heart goes out to them.

 I could not imagine losing any of my loved ones.

So many people around the world were shaken by this act of terrorism. 

However, did you seen the love, the help, the compassion from people all over the world?

I know I felt it.

There is nothing more liberating than seeing people come together for love. 

I hope I can have this perspective throughout the many tragedies that will continue to happen in my life and my world. 

I hope to always remember the lives that were lost.

But I also hope to remember the many people that came together to provide aid, love, support, a shoulder to lean on to those who were directly impacted. 

Days like these are when we should remember how fragile life is, how short life is.

You should never be to busy to do good & to make a difference in the world. 

LOVE

So overwhelmed today with emotion. It just happens to be one of those days. On my way to school at 8am I pulled up FaceBook and it was "painted" red for the marriage equality legislation that is currently being proposed.

Yep... tears began to flow has I saw this. I love seeing people joining together to support a cause in a way that promotes LOVE, not hate. 

Then, (take in mind I'm already in tears) my mom texts me saying that my brother's girlfriend, Cortney, donated $500 each to both Erin and I for our Kenya trip! Talk about a generous person who has NEVER met us in person??  One word: SAINT. She is more than I could ever wish for my brother. 

I am overwhelmed by the love I have felt today. Love for a good cause, good people, and good goals. 

God is good. So good to me & places the best people in my life for a reason. 

I love LOVE. 

Hate cannot outdo hate, only love can do that. 

Be there..

If there is anything that I am sure the majority of the people that know me well would say about me, would be...

Heather is the worst tester/phone call answerer alive.

No lie. I just am.

Sometimes I get anxiety when having to respond to someone. Weird? I know. 

It is one more thing on my list that I have to remember to do. Ya know? 

But frankly, I have never been good at texting. I don't really see the point in it. 

What's sad though? I am always on my phone. Embarrassingly enough, I have gotten a few comments about it from strangers.

Always on Pinterest, or Instagram, Vine, Wanelo, YouTube..

And they always ask, "Who are you always talking to?" No one. No one at all.

What about the people I am with? 

In that moment? 

Life is too short. 

People are too great. 

& Moments are too few. 

So my goal the next 30 days is this...

When I am spending time with others, BE THERE. 

No more of this iPhone crap. 

No more, "Hold on. Let me text this person back," in the middle of a conversation.

I want people to remember me for being there, all of me, and not wishing I was elsewhere. 

Count to Ten

It has been a few days since I put all my thoughts in here. Maybe that's why it has been so crappy the last little while. Today was kind of my breaking point. I don't cry too often anymore out of my own personally sadness. I cry ALL THE TIME when I hear/watch a inspiration story or watch a love story too great to replicate, but tears because I am sad or mad hasn't happened in a REALLY LONG TIME. 

But today, it happened.

I spent the morning in class (Social Work classes, which means I am therapy every Tuesday & Thursday mornings for 3 hours) and came to a realization of a few problems I have. TRUST being one of them. Why? I don't know. I guess that is where I will have to dig deep. 
Then I went to work and a very kind hearted co-worker (saying nice things in hopes it changes my attitude), who happens to have very extreme views, decided to hop into a discussion with me for 2 hours on corporal punishment that agitated me beyond belief. I kept my cool until I got to the car to head home and then started hysterically bawling. For the 10 minute car ride I started naming all the things I am grateful for. 

1. Socks (I wasn't wearing any at the time & desperately love them)

2. My car, because their are so many people who don't one

3. A warm home to go home to, because some don't have that privilege

4. Loving parents who are my anchors & give free therapy sessions when needed 

5. My phone that gives me the ability to text/contact those at a moments notice for relief from a intense situation

6. The opportunity to go to school & pursue something I am truly passionate about

7. Bubble baths with floating candles. 

8. Sisters who always lighten the mood & let you cry it all out

9. A job, because their are many that don't have one

10. My sense of humor, because it makes life bearable

By the time I got home I was laughing. Yes, by myself. Then I walked into the house to two kick ass parents who gave me a free 30 minute therapy session before I was out the door again. 

While it was a long day and I don't want to have a day like this in a long while, I know that there are many out in the world that have more strenuous, life-altering circumstances that are incomparable to mine. 

Counting my blessings today because I obviously needed to be reminded.  

Coming out of the closet

I've been hesitant in sharing my blog with the people that know and love me, because I'm scared. I put my heart and soul in here at the end of the day, week, month, whatever it may be. I find myself fearing judgment, acceptance, love in sharing these thoughts that I call my very own.

Oh wait... that fear is exactly what got me in a gigantic mess last time. Fearing those things, drove me to jump into a marriage that I was not ready for, hurting friends and family and diminishing those relationships that I hold so close to my heart, and most importantly doing damage to myself. Damage that has been dealt with the by great help of a 24/7 therapist, my mom. She is a rockstar. (As well as help from Marnae & David, both individual & marriage counselors who both kick ass.) 

I invited my sisters to read my blog and tell me what they think. I came out of the closet. I am grateful they put up with my old self for 20 years. I was not the most gracious sibling growing up. I was prideful, judgmental, and self-absorbed. While I'm nowhere near perfect these days. Progression is always in my heart.

 I blame my judgmental and prideful self on trying to fit a mold that I was not naturally made to fit. Imagine me trying to fit the WRONG final puzzle piece into the puzzle FOR 20 YEARS. You can imagine the frustration my spirit was feeling. It brought lots of harsh & toxic relationships/circumstances in my life and I projected that on other people, especially my siblings. 

Find what you fear & fight back like hell. 

Oh & Carrie Butler is the best photographer out there. 

Letter from Birmingham Jail

Martin Luther King, Jr Day :)

One of my favorites. 

Let's stroll down memory lane. When I was in the 2nd grade, there was a school wide competition between all grades during the week of this holiday. You had to write your own version of the "I Have A Dream.." speech. I sat down with Maegan & she helped my write my very own version. Needless to say.. I won!  I got to read my speech in front of the entire school. 

Fast forward to now. Last semester I had to read MLK's "Letter from Birmingham Jail." 

If you haven't read it, stop what you are doing & read it NOW. 

If you care anything about your country, equal rights, or are simply a spiritual person then it will do you GOOD. After I read it, my heart was full, broken, empowered, and shattered all in one moment. I couldn't help but feel what MLK was feeling in that moment. What he and so many others went through to fight for what is good & true & right.

MLK was a very spiritual man. He was very strong in his beliefs and church. Throughout the letter he makes many biblical references. There is one in particular that still sticks out to me...

He is explaining that he is sitting in jail for being an extremist. At first, he is very offended by this term because generally being an extremist is termed as something negative. He talks about Jesus Christ crucifixion when he died on Calvary Hill with 2 other men.  They all died being EXTREMISTS. Two men died for immortality, but Jesus died because he was an extremist for LOVE, ACCEPTANCE, GOODNESS, & TRUTH. People were threatened by that and ultimately took his life because of it.

I don't know about you, but this man is one of the greatest men to have lived in my book. There is still so much progress to be made & we have so many examples that have marked the way before us. 

"Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor, it must be demanded by the oppressed."

In all your forms

Teach your daughter well
By Doe Zantamata

Teach her to lover herself just as she is; not only as she once was, might, or never will be.

Teach her to see her own beauty, and not compare herself to any standard of society.

Teach her that love is a wonderful thing, but she she is complete on her own, and needs no one to complete her.

Teach her to trust, both others and herself.

Teach her about self-worth, that she ought to think of, and and treat herself well, and not allow others to do any less.

Children learn more from example than by words alone. To teach her well, you must believe and follow these lessons in your own life too.

Stole this quote from another blog I follow. Self image is a constant thought in my head. My own self image has been the death of me in the past & I'm determined to never go back there & never let anyone I know get to that point. 

Learn to love the parts of you that you tend to hide. 
Learn to love your differences. 
Learn to love you, for you. 
Learn to love what God created just for YOU & never take it for granted. 

Love yourself in all your forms. Everyday.