Throwing the list out the window

My mom is my favorite person to talk to. She is the best listener. Her and I talk every day, even if it is about nothing at all.

Today, I called her on my way out of work like normal, but today was different. We talked for a solid 50 minutes about life, religion, serving others and most importantly, happiness. 

I don't think I couldn't eloquently relay our entire conversation, but I wanted to jot down a few thoughts.

I remember when I was in high school or maybe even junior high, and my mom said to me that she had dropped all expectations she had for her kids. At the time, I was completed insulted. Did my mom really think we were all so 'lost' that she had to lower or lose all expectations? 

It wasn't until about 3 years ago that I finally understood my mom, motherhood, parenthood or, in simplicity, expectations so clearly. 

I remember having a list that I kept in my scriptures of all the attributes I wanted in a partner. Granted, this list was made when I was 16 or 17 years old. But it looked something like this...

1. Driven 2. Priesthood holder 3. Returned missionary 4. Funny 5. Handsome 6. Confident 7. Understanding 8. College graduate .... to name a few. Needless to say, this last had more than 20 things on it. 

After a hard time, I decided to throw the list out the window. 

All I had on my new list was 'good'. I dropped all expectations, just like my mom did. 

Lo and behold, Rob walked into my life. And consequently, he encompassed a list of qualities and attributes that I couldn't have dreamt up. He was simply 'good' for no reason. 

In my life, I hadn't met too many people like him. Most of us are 'good' because we want blessings, or good karma, or a promotion at work... whatever it may be.

But Rob's goodness is something different. His is innate, it is who he is. 

I seriously lucked out in case you haven't picked up on that with my endless rants about Rob. 

Whoops! 

#futuretrophyhusband 

$5 Tuesday

I haven't wrote much lately, which is never a good thing. But here I am, trying to make up for it.

What's funny is that I often sit down to write, and all my stories that are worth talking about are about Rob and I or things we do together. I kept thinking to myself that it might get overwhelming or annoying to read back on, but then I realized this is my life.

He is the most important part.

He's the beginning and the end and everything in between. He is who I want to spend my time with, he is the one that puts me in my place. He sees me at my worst and my best. Every day he get to choose to love me regardless of my imperfections and immaturities. And fortunately, I have a lot of those so it definitely keeps things interesting.

Either way, every day we wake up and try to conquer the day together. Now, I am no relationship expert, but something that I have gathered from watching other successful relationships, my own experiences or books that I have read, is that it is so important to continue dating and courting each other until the end.

Rob and I have almost been together two years, so we aren't the greatest example of longevity yet. However, we like to date each other... A LOT.

Every Tuesday, you'll find us at the movie theater. We love movies, and especially when it only costs us $5. I mean, who wouldn't? The last 3 weeks have been some of the best movies I have seen in a long, long time. They are totally worth seeing, so I must mention them.

The Judge- Please go see this. It is such a great reminder of the importance of family, despite not seeing eye-to-eye. Now, there are lots of  f words, but other than that, don't mind the rated R. Rob and I left crying. This is very normal for me, but this as very out of the ordinary for Rob. He immediately called his parents and told them he loved them in the parking lot.

Fury- World War II is my favorite and this film shed light on the horror of the Holocaust in a way I had never seen. I have watched endless movies and documentaries on the Holocaust, and this one is now at the top of my list. It is extremely gory and very violent, but unfortunately, it was a reality of World War II. It is very well made and has phenomenal actors in it.

The Good Lie- This one was a complete surprise. I had no idea what this movie was about, but my parents and Rob's parents both recommended it. They also both suggested bringing a box of tissues. They were right. I sobbed. This film was so touching in so many ways. It made me grateful for all that I have, but it also reminded me why it is so important to help. No matter how big or small our efforts are, there are always people that need help.

$5 Tuesday is just one of the ways that Rob and I continue to date each other. And I highly suggest it to anyone. It is at all Megaplex theaters for any theater type. We like to pretend we are ritzy and go to the VIP theater or IMAX theater. I mean, it's $5!!! Who wouldn't?

We also love food, especially cheeseburgers, so going out on Thursday nights for to grab dinner makes our bellies full and our hearts even fuller.

That's all for now.

'The' Story, Ps. I'm Engaged!

My favorite story of everyone's is how they met their partner in crime. Why? Well, I guess I find it fascinating how the universe brings two people together, that are suppose to be together.

Rob and I met on Tinder. Embarrassing, I know. If you don't know what that it is, thank heavens.

Before I met Rob:
I had just gone through a very rough time and decided to focus on myself. I dived deep into school, work and traveling. I had put serious dating on a definite hiatus.

I dated here and there, but I didn't find any legitimate interest to keep anyone around. Truthfully, I wasn't ready and slightly terrified. And if there is anything I have learned from my past experiences, you have to be ready. You can't except someone else to love you, when you don't fully love yourself. I was learning how to do that all over again.

I took that year and a half to just be me. I did whatever I wanted. It was nice, and slightly wild, but looking back I needed it desperately.

After Rob and I matched on Tinder, we started texting at first. What I loved more than anything, he never 'tapped on my glass.' He wasn't always trying to talk to me throughout the day or showering me with compliments, he was just cool and collected all the time.

Finally after weeks of building up the courage and a GIANT push from one of my best friends, I finally asked him to hangout. It was 1:00 AM and there I was asking a stranger to hangout. Yes, it was dangerous. Yes, I was stupid. And yes, I will punish my children if they ever do the same.

However, I am so glad I did. We talked until the wee hours of the morning. I left around 4 or 5 AM completely giddy.

Literally from that night, we have been together almost every night. Not kidding.

Oh, and now we are engaged! Over a year of being together and we'll finally tying in the knot in June of 2015.

Ps. Engagement story to come..

To be a little bit better

When I have a heart-wrenching thing happen, like my Mommom’s passing on Cinco de Mayo, I swear it’s the universe reminding me to be better.

To be a better friend, a better daughter, a better companion, a better sister, but most importantly… a better human.

I get so caught up in plans that my life slowly transitions to auto-pilot. I forget that I have to TRY, that I need to put in the work in order to make my relationships genuine and real.

Fortunately, I know I am not the only one that struggles with this. I think we all tend to go on autopilot when life gets busy.

Over the weekend, my brother’s girlfriend, Cortney, made a comment in response to who-know-what, “I don’t want to be so busy that I have to multi-task.” (I probably butchered it, but it was something to that effect.) And I don’t even know if she meant anything by it, but I loved the principle behind it.

Every morning on my way to work I do my make-up, eat breakfast, and drive to work all at the same time. It is a busy 10 minutes, and I would say that most of my day is something similar to this, always doing a few things at once.

When did becoming a multi-tasker become a skill that was held in high regard? Now, I’m realizing that this may be my worst trait.

I need to take more time to and put forth more effort into the things and people I love. Singular effort, none of this multi-tasking nonsense. I need to call that family member on their birthday instead of a meaningless FaceBook post; I need to spend time, not just in passing when it’s convenient, but actually take time to be with friends that I hold near and dear, friends that are worth keeping around.

Life is happier when you are doing those things, anyway. My load feels a bit lighter, friendships feel a little stronger, my family feels a little bit closer, and I feel a little bit more whole.

Despite how sad it is to lose a loved one, I think they leave you at the most perfectly, planned out moment; a moment when you need to be reminded about how precious life is.  

Rob

I don't express enough how much Rob means to me. He knows, of course. But the rest of the world, well... I guess I finally realized it wasn't any of their business.

Yes, all my near and dear know. And from my social media pictures and posts you could assume that we are as happy as can be. Truthfully, we are.

He makes all my days brighter, jokes are so much funnier, life is that much better, and things seem to be a little bit easier when he's by my side.

For the first time, things are so effortless. Maybe this is because in past experiences, things always seemed so hard. It always seemed like so much work. (Disclaimer: It also helps when you are with the right person.)

But with Rob, things are so easy. Mostly, I give him the credit for this effortlessness, but I know he'd tell me to take some, too. 

He handles my strong personality so well. Frankly, I know it's a lot to take on.

I'm very free-spirited, extremely rebellious, and I can't seem to keep my mouth shut when discussing a heated topic. These are all bizarre parts of my personality, but quite honestly... I've learned to love them, mostly because I've had to. 

In addition to all the above, I also a recovering 'people pleaser'. So naturally, I've tried to suppress certain parts of myself in the past. With Rob, the thought never even came up. He just happens to be the ultimate friend, the kindest human, and the most even-keeled person I know. 

He makes it so easy to be myself. Really, that is the way it should be. 

I just really love him, a ridiculous amount. 

Please take note of his pony tail. He hates how much I love it. 

Leave of Absence

Well... I'm horrible.

I know it's been almost 6 months since I have jotted down my thoughts. Ironically, that is the around the time I started dating Rob, my ridiculously awesome partner in crime. 

I went to Europe, went to Kenya, and had the most amazing experiences come from it (I'll do a separate post on that). After I got home from Kenya, Youthlinc called and eventually I got a job as their office manager. In case you were wondering, I love it! Really, this organization makes my heart skip a beat. I love being a part of it.

Come end of July, I found a town home with Bri and Emily.

... and that's when life started to overwhelm me. 

Here I had these two new roommates, a new boyfriend, school up at the University of Utah, and a new job... I didn't adjust easy to say the least.

There were lots of tears and therapy sessions with my mom, Rob, Peagan, and Bri throughout this process. With every change that comes in life, I figured I might as well change my attitude and accept it, because these people weren't all going to listen to me bitch for the next year. I was lucky enough to get them to listen to me for the time they did. (However, they all are there for the occasional vent session, some more than others.)

There were a few things I had to change and accept. And now, I'm kind of insanely grateful for them.

1. Bri

Not only did I move out with my best friend, but we also happened to be dating best friends, who are roommates as well. Everyone's first thought is that this is the most magical situation you could wish on two best friends, but in all actuality I was having the hardest time with it. 

First, I wasn't used to Bri having a boyfriend so I felt like I was losing my best friend. I started to have a pity party... and often. It really put our friendship to the test. We tried certain things and adjusted, but it hasn't come without a struggle. 

At the end of the day, I'm just happy she is happy. That is the most important thing. 

She's a pretty killer person. She gets me. I get her. She is that one person that I never have to worry about judging me or changing me. Not only is she this way with me, but everyone. I feel pretty blessed to have her as a best friend. 

2. Emily 

Oh, the struggles.

Emily and I always seem to gravitate towards talking about religion. See, Emily uses your typical 'black and white' logic for everything & I'm over hear using nothing but grey. You can see the struggle.

In all honesty, I think we were supposed to move in together. I'm always so preachy about not changing people and letting them be themselves, and I was doing the exact opposite with her. I tried endlessly to make her a little more grey, but I soon realized it would be a tireless fight if I kept it up.

After I realized she was never going to change and neither was I, our friendship seemed to take on a new level. We didn't need to be the same in order to enjoy each others' company.

She's actually a crude humored, wild child & I happened to be both of those same things. It goes to show, that if you just love people as they truly are, nothing but good things come from it. I'm sad I wasted so much time trying to change her, but feel pretty lucky to have the friendship that I have with her now.

Better late than never.


3. Rob

While Rob was so easy to accept because everything with him is so effortless, I had to embrace and attack my inner fears about dating, especially with getting serious within a relationship. Rob and I have been dating almost 6 months now. Simply put, he rock's. It is actually bizarre with how perfect he is. 

He lets me, be me. And most importantly, that was who he fell in love with. 

I guess it has always been a sort of defensive mechanism for me, but I have always been who everyone else wants me to be. I, so badly, like to make people proud and strive for acceptance. I actually have given up pretty great parts of myself in order to compensate in the past. 

With Rob, I didn't have to do this. I could be my weird, coupon loving, slightly earthy, spiritual, feminist self. And despite the fact that he isn't most of those things, it just worked.

In case you can't tell, I'm insanely crazy about him. Like, a ridiculous amount. 

Look for the Helpers

"'Our world is awful."'
"No. Our world is great. For every one person that plants a bomb, you have hundreds more running a marathon. For everyone person that makes a joke about the dead and dying, you have thousands more donating blood, offering prayers, and volunteering their time. Events like these are the fault of single individuals who make violent, loud statements. We just have to make sure that statements of the good are louder."

While we can sit and talk about all the horrible things that go on around the world, in our country or in our own community, we can also talk about all the good there is to do. 

There is more of a need now to do good than ever before. 

So while everyone is sitting there saying what a horrible world they live, I want to say... "What world do you live in? Because mine is awesome. "

I have more opportunities than ever before to make a difference 

and to help lighten someone's burden in some many ways. 

It is incredibly sad that so many people lost their loved ones in today's tragedy at 

the Boston Marathon. 

My heart goes out to them.

 I could not imagine losing any of my loved ones.

So many people around the world were shaken by this act of terrorism. 

However, did you seen the love, the help, the compassion from people all over the world?

I know I felt it.

There is nothing more liberating than seeing people come together for love. 

I hope I can have this perspective throughout the many tragedies that will continue to happen in my life and my world. 

I hope to always remember the lives that were lost.

But I also hope to remember the many people that came together to provide aid, love, support, a shoulder to lean on to those who were directly impacted. 

Days like these are when we should remember how fragile life is, how short life is.

You should never be to busy to do good & to make a difference in the world. 

LOVE

So overwhelmed today with emotion. It just happens to be one of those days. On my way to school at 8am I pulled up FaceBook and it was "painted" red for the marriage equality legislation that is currently being proposed.

Yep... tears began to flow has I saw this. I love seeing people joining together to support a cause in a way that promotes LOVE, not hate. 

Then, (take in mind I'm already in tears) my mom texts me saying that my brother's girlfriend, Cortney, donated $500 each to both Erin and I for our Kenya trip! Talk about a generous person who has NEVER met us in person??  One word: SAINT. She is more than I could ever wish for my brother. 

I am overwhelmed by the love I have felt today. Love for a good cause, good people, and good goals. 

God is good. So good to me & places the best people in my life for a reason. 

I love LOVE. 

Hate cannot outdo hate, only love can do that. 

Be there..

If there is anything that I am sure the majority of the people that know me well would say about me, would be...

Heather is the worst tester/phone call answerer alive.

No lie. I just am.

Sometimes I get anxiety when having to respond to someone. Weird? I know. 

It is one more thing on my list that I have to remember to do. Ya know? 

But frankly, I have never been good at texting. I don't really see the point in it. 

What's sad though? I am always on my phone. Embarrassingly enough, I have gotten a few comments about it from strangers.

Always on Pinterest, or Instagram, Vine, Wanelo, YouTube..

And they always ask, "Who are you always talking to?" No one. No one at all.

What about the people I am with? 

In that moment? 

Life is too short. 

People are too great. 

& Moments are too few. 

So my goal the next 30 days is this...

When I am spending time with others, BE THERE. 

No more of this iPhone crap. 

No more, "Hold on. Let me text this person back," in the middle of a conversation.

I want people to remember me for being there, all of me, and not wishing I was elsewhere. 

Count to Ten

It has been a few days since I put all my thoughts in here. Maybe that's why it has been so crappy the last little while. Today was kind of my breaking point. I don't cry too often anymore out of my own personally sadness. I cry ALL THE TIME when I hear/watch a inspiration story or watch a love story too great to replicate, but tears because I am sad or mad hasn't happened in a REALLY LONG TIME. 

But today, it happened.

I spent the morning in class (Social Work classes, which means I am therapy every Tuesday & Thursday mornings for 3 hours) and came to a realization of a few problems I have. TRUST being one of them. Why? I don't know. I guess that is where I will have to dig deep. 
Then I went to work and a very kind hearted co-worker (saying nice things in hopes it changes my attitude), who happens to have very extreme views, decided to hop into a discussion with me for 2 hours on corporal punishment that agitated me beyond belief. I kept my cool until I got to the car to head home and then started hysterically bawling. For the 10 minute car ride I started naming all the things I am grateful for. 

1. Socks (I wasn't wearing any at the time & desperately love them)

2. My car, because their are so many people who don't one

3. A warm home to go home to, because some don't have that privilege

4. Loving parents who are my anchors & give free therapy sessions when needed 

5. My phone that gives me the ability to text/contact those at a moments notice for relief from a intense situation

6. The opportunity to go to school & pursue something I am truly passionate about

7. Bubble baths with floating candles. 

8. Sisters who always lighten the mood & let you cry it all out

9. A job, because their are many that don't have one

10. My sense of humor, because it makes life bearable

By the time I got home I was laughing. Yes, by myself. Then I walked into the house to two kick ass parents who gave me a free 30 minute therapy session before I was out the door again. 

While it was a long day and I don't want to have a day like this in a long while, I know that there are many out in the world that have more strenuous, life-altering circumstances that are incomparable to mine. 

Counting my blessings today because I obviously needed to be reminded.  

Coming out of the closet

I've been hesitant in sharing my blog with the people that know and love me, because I'm scared. I put my heart and soul in here at the end of the day, week, month, whatever it may be. I find myself fearing judgment, acceptance, love in sharing these thoughts that I call my very own.

Oh wait... that fear is exactly what got me in a gigantic mess last time. Fearing those things, drove me to jump into a marriage that I was not ready for, hurting friends and family and diminishing those relationships that I hold so close to my heart, and most importantly doing damage to myself. Damage that has been dealt with the by great help of a 24/7 therapist, my mom. She is a rockstar. (As well as help from Marnae & David, both individual & marriage counselors who both kick ass.) 

I invited my sisters to read my blog and tell me what they think. I came out of the closet. I am grateful they put up with my old self for 20 years. I was not the most gracious sibling growing up. I was prideful, judgmental, and self-absorbed. While I'm nowhere near perfect these days. Progression is always in my heart.

 I blame my judgmental and prideful self on trying to fit a mold that I was not naturally made to fit. Imagine me trying to fit the WRONG final puzzle piece into the puzzle FOR 20 YEARS. You can imagine the frustration my spirit was feeling. It brought lots of harsh & toxic relationships/circumstances in my life and I projected that on other people, especially my siblings. 

Find what you fear & fight back like hell. 

Oh & Carrie Butler is the best photographer out there. 

Letter from Birmingham Jail

Martin Luther King, Jr Day :)

One of my favorites. 

Let's stroll down memory lane. When I was in the 2nd grade, there was a school wide competition between all grades during the week of this holiday. You had to write your own version of the "I Have A Dream.." speech. I sat down with Maegan & she helped my write my very own version. Needless to say.. I won!  I got to read my speech in front of the entire school. 

Fast forward to now. Last semester I had to read MLK's "Letter from Birmingham Jail." 

If you haven't read it, stop what you are doing & read it NOW. 

If you care anything about your country, equal rights, or are simply a spiritual person then it will do you GOOD. After I read it, my heart was full, broken, empowered, and shattered all in one moment. I couldn't help but feel what MLK was feeling in that moment. What he and so many others went through to fight for what is good & true & right.

MLK was a very spiritual man. He was very strong in his beliefs and church. Throughout the letter he makes many biblical references. There is one in particular that still sticks out to me...

He is explaining that he is sitting in jail for being an extremist. At first, he is very offended by this term because generally being an extremist is termed as something negative. He talks about Jesus Christ crucifixion when he died on Calvary Hill with 2 other men.  They all died being EXTREMISTS. Two men died for immortality, but Jesus died because he was an extremist for LOVE, ACCEPTANCE, GOODNESS, & TRUTH. People were threatened by that and ultimately took his life because of it.

I don't know about you, but this man is one of the greatest men to have lived in my book. There is still so much progress to be made & we have so many examples that have marked the way before us. 

"Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor, it must be demanded by the oppressed."

In all your forms

Teach your daughter well
By Doe Zantamata

Teach her to lover herself just as she is; not only as she once was, might, or never will be.

Teach her to see her own beauty, and not compare herself to any standard of society.

Teach her that love is a wonderful thing, but she she is complete on her own, and needs no one to complete her.

Teach her to trust, both others and herself.

Teach her about self-worth, that she ought to think of, and and treat herself well, and not allow others to do any less.

Children learn more from example than by words alone. To teach her well, you must believe and follow these lessons in your own life too.

Stole this quote from another blog I follow. Self image is a constant thought in my head. My own self image has been the death of me in the past & I'm determined to never go back there & never let anyone I know get to that point. 

Learn to love the parts of you that you tend to hide. 
Learn to love your differences. 
Learn to love you, for you. 
Learn to love what God created just for YOU & never take it for granted. 

Love yourself in all your forms. Everyday.

Bully Blocker

Heard this term in primary today during sharing time. Sister Griffin asked what we can do to show Heavenly Father that we love him & one of the girls said by being a bully blocker. 

It has been an emotional week for me. Not in a bad way, but the tears have been flowing easily. At work on Friday, I overheard a member telling a co-worker that her 13 year old brother had committed suicide with a gun the previous week. While saying this she began to cry. At this point I'm hiding my face because the tears are beginning to flow in my own eyes. She tells her it was due to bullying. He left a note of all the people that bullied him. I lost it. My heart was broken for this lady and her family. The future social worker in me wanted to jump from my chair and comfort her. 

A couple things came to mind... This could be a very real learning opportunity this 13 year old peers at school & in all reality people everywhere. 

We never know what kind of battle someone is going through so be kind to everyone.  

We hurt people we love or maybe don't even know at all, but LEARN from it. Don't let feeding pride or ego, be at the cost of someone's life.

We judge when we have no idea what internal battle a person may be facing so save the dirty look, or the harsh (but maybe crude humorous)remarks.

This world needs compassion if anything. It needs people who are willing to fight for the good. Look for the good in everyone. I don't claim to like everyone I have ever come in contact with. But there is something good in everyone despite all of our differences.

 Be the bully blocker.

Dream long after I'm gone..

I'm kind of struggling lately. No apparent reason. School started this week. I'm at 15 credit hours. All Social Work classes (which are emotionally draining) and Statistics (which is basically like learning chinese to me) while working 36 hrs & volunteering 6 hours a week at the Dream Academy or Real Life. 

Despite my busy schedule.. I love life when I don't get caught up in my own negativity. WE SHOULD NOT GLORIFY BEING BUSY. I love what I am doing and the direction I am headed. My passion for life has skyrocketed since my divorce & new chance at life. 

When you find yourself, you suddenly have all the energy needed to stay happy and make all your dreams a reality. 

I'm going to keep dreaming long after I'm already gone. 

I mean those things. They make me alive and present, here in the moment. I know it is annoying how much I talk about my divorce, but when I say it was as if I died and I got a second chance to life/start over, I'M NOT LYING.

Here is what I have been doing the last little while that I have been MIA. 

Traditional Grandma Pauline's 12/19 Birthday

Temple Square with the Fam 

New Year's

Justin Bieber Concert.

Friend Christmas Party 

While this is only stuff I have done in the last month, 2012 was such a great year for me & I'd overwhelm myself with too many pictures. 

I can't wait to see what 2013 brings. 

Concept of "Love Them Anyways"

I have to make a brief post about this..

Love Them Anyways.. 

For some reason, I find this coming out of my mouth lots. Just naturally in every day conversation.

It is a lot more than just a phrase.

It is my life motto. 

This world would needs compassionate people. 

People to stand up for the oppressed groups of society. 

People are selfless, caring, and giving. 

I don't claim to be any of these things, but I will say I have a pretty good idea of where I am going to start.. with myself. 

Whenever, I am frustrated, angry, bitter, resentful... I say to myself, "love them anyways." 

I don't know what personal battle anyone is going through, but I do know that I can be there for them no matter what & love them anyways, because in all reality...

Can there ever be too much love?? 

Reflection

"The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them."

-Thomas Merton

   This is brilliant. And if you don't think it is then come talk to me and I will explain its brilliance. I have found in my own life the people I struggle with most are the ones that I see parts of myself inside them. Whether it be things I don't like about myself and strive to change, or things I love about myself. I can't remind myself enough or the people around me the importance of loving yourself and loving those around you. Don't try and change anyone. Accept yourself and others for who they are and what they bring to your life. 

Love never fails you. So if you are finding that it does, look again at what kind of love you are offering.

Regardless, Love Them Anyways

   My friendship with Emily has definitely been a difficult one. Here is a little bit of our background. We've been friends for years, maybe not the closest friends, but always affiliated through the same group of friends. 
When I was married she was one of the few friends I saw and even that was rare. She was the first person I told about my divorce and it was in the temple the day after I had decided. She dated TJ for a moment, which was kind of weird when I let myself actually think about it, but really, who am I to keep tabs on him when I didn't want him? So I supported it. After that, how I lived my life started to change & Emily didn't always agree with it. We started to bump heads & secretly I started to highly dislike the girl. I thought to myself, "This girl doesn't offer me anything." 

I was COMPLETELY WRONG. 

   Tonight we went to the Haunted Circus and afterwards we talked until 2am. While on most things we agreed to disagree, it was nice to finally sit down and talk all of our feelings out. Every person in our life has something to offer us whether we want to see it or not. My pride was the barrier to this friendship. There is no right, there is no wrong, just different. There are some people we will just click with, and some people we have to work a little harder to find common ground. Regardless, we love those people anyways because this life is about progression. We need all different kinds of people to do that in order to learn. 

   Whether it be Emily, or someone else, there is always someone that is going to see life a little differently. That is the great thing about agency. We get the opportunity to choose. To choose individuality. What I can do is look for the best in those people and not criticize everything that they do or belief, and just accept that is the path for them and I GENUINELY hope that it works and brings all the happiness in the love to them. 

And when all else fails, love them regardless. 

Love always wins.  

Be True to You

I couldn't stress enough how important is it to love yourself. 

"Accept everything about yourself. I mean everything. You are you. That is the beginning and the end. No apologies, no regrets."

I forget this. I am sure just like everyone else, but you truly are the most important person in your life. More than your kids, more than your husband, more than your God. If you don't love yourself, accept yourself, then those relationships will take toll and get you nowhere. 

Find out what you believe in. 

SIMPLIFY.

& just be a good person, we need some more of those in this world. 

Writing this, I'm talking to myself, just I am a forgetful soul. I get caught up and complacent when things are good. I forget what I was doing that originally helped me in getting there, to that point.

Be True to You. 

Sealer + Grandpa

Yep, that would be a beer in my hand. 

This picture has nothing to do with my post really. But for anyone that knows me, knows that this is an unnatural picture for me, which makes it an even better joke.This was the night before I went to the temple with my mom for Neeley & Shishir's sealing. I almost sent it to my mom with a caption that said, "Can't wait to go to the temple with you in the morning." I thought it was pretty funny. And I know my mom probably would have thought it was funny too. Haha. 

However, back to why I really am writing my thoughts down tonight.

I was able to go to a sealing for the first time. My grandpa was able to seal Neeley and Shishir and it was a great to be about to experience it all over again. This time I wasn't nervous about getting married. I was able to take in everything that he said as he spoke to Neeley and Shishir. 
He talked lots about my grandpa Pauline and what she would have us know. Firstly, how important family is. No matter what kind of family we are or how we develop our relationship and keep is strong, the important part is HAVING the relationship.

My family is perfect they way we are. 

We are best friends and truly enjoy each others company. To me, that is what is important. That is what makes the difference in this life. 

Secondly, he talked about how everyone is finding themselves and that is a frequently asked question, "how do you find yourself?" My grandpa's response to the question was that you find yourself when you are doing things that you aren't supposed to be doing. I couldn't agree more with that comment. Life is about experimenting, living, breathing, & learning. 

Thirdly, as I looked at Shishir staring at Neeley across the alter, I was grateful I was able to take in that moment. As cheesy it sounds, the way they looked into each others eyes just melted my heart. Love will come my way. I see it everyday in my life in so many different aspects. I'm grateful that I have so many people around me that show unconditional love.